A Lifetime's Pursuit

Jesus was God’s Word.  God chose to speak to His children and provide light in a dark place through Jesus.  This shows how intimate and deep my God wants to be with me.  He does not send a powerful, rich ruler.  Rather, he sends a man who was humble in beginnings and simply spoke powerfully through His words and life.  God’s love is personal and is for me.

So many times, I think that God is distant and far away.  However, He is always speaking, always intending to relate.  And like verse 5 that states, “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it,” I so many times block God’s light from touching me.  I avoid or ignore it, so that I don’t have to make lifestyle changes.  However, I realize now that I need to repent of holding onto the darkness inside myself.  All of my bitterness and anger towards others is unjustified.  These thoughts of me against the world are selfish and distorted.  It is time that I reconcile with those whom I have wronged or who have wronged me.  It is time that I get back on my feet and start running towards God.

Paul beat his body and made it his slave so that after he preached to others, he would not be disqualified for the prize.  To beat one’s body and make it his slave is excruciatingly painful, requires persistence, and demands resolve.  This means that the physical body will not rule over the spiritual tendencies.  This is absolutely necessary because either the physical or the spiritual holds more power.  If the physical wins, though, the spiritual is left powerless and ineffective.

In my life, flesh has become so dominant.  I have become lazy, giving into to comfort, idleness, and lethargy.  Whenever my flesh cries for something, I satisfy it.  Even in my eating habits, I have not denied myself and my body bears the consequence.  I have become so accustomed to feeding my flesh, that my spirit has lost its voice.  All the youth, EM members, and unsaved souls that deserve my love and care have been neglected.  I need to deny my flesh because it has too strong of a grip over me.  I will start scheduling again.  In doing this, I will remember my responsibilities towards God, others, and myself.  There is too much God to love, too many people to serve, and too much holiness to pursue.  I cannot allow my body to make me its slave.  Instead, I must take on the fight to once again “beat my body and make it my slave.”

I met up with the Valley Berkeley guys who came back for Thanksgiving break.  It was awesome seeing all these familiar faces again.  We went to Santa Monica 3rd Street and later walked to the shore.  We had time to catch up a bit on things since we last talked half a year ago.  I definitely missed these guys a lot and am always proud to see how they’ve grown.

Last week, we had a family counselor come and talk to our youth and their parents.  This was such a moving time, as many of our youth and parents who had hurts from the past were able to reconcile and move towards a healthier, God-centered relationship.  Here are some pictures from the event.

It is amazing that a book written about the power of God to save man from sin ends in relationships. Paul mentions so many people with whom he has intimate relationships. Whether they were coworkers or relatives, Paul writes to these brothers and sisters with such familiarity and love. He does not simply say: “Greet the church,” but rather mentions individuals. This shows his value of relationships and people.

As a leader, I need to develop this kind of familiarity with those around me. Do I know the youth and EM members at WHPC? Am I so familiar with them that I even know their daily lives, family members, or interests? I need to remember again that ministry is all about love people. I need to refocus on being intimate with those around me. Just from being at prayer meeting yesterday, I realize the internal turmoil, strife, bitterness, and struggle that can reside in one soul. How much more difficult is it then to minister to an entire congregation? Once again, I need to prayerfully and physically support my youth. I will start calling my students in my free time, spend more conversations on serious matters, and pray for them in the evenings. I still have a long way to go before I am even close to the standard Paul has set.

Verse 5 states “each one should be fully convinced in his own mind” and verse 12 states “so then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” God calls me to have firm convictions. In the end, it doesn’t matter whether all those around me espouse the wrong beliefs. If I give into these simply because everyone else around me does, I am still in the wrong and will be held accountable. So many scoff at Nazi Germany for giving in to the perverse worldview of a dictator. Am I so different than these mindless citizens if I simply follow what others follow?

I need to reevaluate my convictions. While a senior in college, I made commitments to live simply, give generously, devote myself to ministry, and place God above work, media, romance, or approval. I held such firm beliefs about how opposite genders are to purely relate with each other. These values have slowly degraded. I still believe strongly in them, but my lack of action states otherwise.

Once again, I need to remember that my life belongs to God and that I am simply a steward. The money that I earn is not mine; it belongs to God. My time is not something that I ought to hoard and spend selfishly. It needs to be spent loving those around me. From EM members who have fallen away from God to youth who see no reason to follow God, these brothers require my time and love. I cannot let work go above ministry events, whether this includes youth prayer meetings or EM Bible studies. Media cannot be such a large part of my life. Only in this way, will my mind be clean once again – no longer swayed by the deceptions of media but rather rooted in God’s words. My time with Jennifer needs to be pure and devoted to God. We need to pray, worship, and read God’s word more often. We need to continue to encourage each other to love those around us, even when this requires tough love. My desire for the approval of those around me cannot cloud my decisions. If I need to correct someone whose approval I care about, I still need to obey God. My responsibility is to lead those around me without wavering in my convictions. I need to be fully convinced of these values, once again, and live them out faithfully.

Currently, I do not have a strong leadership presence in my life. I do interact a lot with pastors and older brothers, but I have not asked them to actively guide and lead me towards holiness. I definitely need to find someone who I respect to guide me. Without a discipler, I will be blind to many of my own faults and sins. There must be someone who can keep me accountable and teach me how to love God more deeply.

All those in authority are placed there under God’s establishment. This does not mean that all those in leadership positions are flawless and show the most exemplary faith, but they do deserve respect and submission. It is a Biblical command to “obey my leaders and submit to their authority.” I need to be praying for my pastors much more and support them in any way I can, whether it be financially, emotionally, or spiritually.

There is no debt that should “remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love another.” And by loving others, I can “fulfill the law.” This is such an amazing fact. It doesn’t matter how much work I do for ministry, how much consistency I have in reading Scripture and praying, or how much I give to others. In the end, if I do not love I have completely missed the mark. When I work on church activities, or interact with youth and family, I must remember to love them. One concrete way to apply this is to pray more. I need to develop a prayerful heart for those around me (especially those who are more difficult to love). In doing so, I will learn to love more deeply. Also, I need to have a love that does not only seek approval but also strives for holiness in myself and others. I am so scared to correct others, but this is the only way that others can be refined and draw closer to God. Especially in my interactions with youth, I am called to watch over them and “give an account” for them. This means that their growth is my responsibility. If they do not grow, this is my fault. In the end, I will have to give an account to God. Will He say well done good and faithful servant?

God is the only one who can boast.  I did not earn anything to deserve His grace.  In His great knowledge, He knew that Israel would fall.  He then turned to his Gentile children that I might also have salvation.  It’s funny that I sometimes feel proud of what I do for God.  This is such a selfish and short-sighted attitude.  I think that my efforts of spending some time or other resources for kingdom work deserve praise.  However, all of this is only possible because God has chosen to save me from my wickedness. This work, too, is a privilege and an honor.  God has graced me with the chance to do ministry, to love others, to spend time with Him, and to pursue a life of deeper meaning.  It’s sad that I still embody such a wicked and proud attitude of self-centeredness.  I become puffed up to think that I have merited something and deserve honor, when all of the things I accomplish are possible because of God’s forgiving nature.  It really is only by God’s grace that I can boast.

Pictures from my house…

Ephesians 6:10-17 (New American Standard Bible)

The Armor of God

 ¹⁰Finally, ^(A)be strong in the Lord and in ^(B)the strength of His might.

 ^11(C)Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the ^(D)schemes of the devil.

 ¹²For our ^(E)struggle is not against ^(F)flesh and blood, but ^(G)against the rulers, against the powers, against the ^(H)world forces of this ^(I)darkness, against the ^(J)spiritual forces of wickedness in ^(K)the heavenly places.

 ¹³Therefore, take up ^(L)the full armor of God, so that you will be able to ^(M)resist in ^(N)the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

 ¹⁴Stand firm therefore, ^(O)HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING ^(P)PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS,

 ¹⁵and having ^(Q)shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE;

 ¹⁶in addition to all, taking up the ^(R)shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the ^(S)flaming arrows of ^(T)the evil one.

 ¹⁷And take ^(U)THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the ^(V)sword of the Spirit, which is ^(W)the word of God.

I am reminded once again that we are in a spiritual battle.

God please help me to be aware that my  struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Help me to be an equipped and able soldier of Christ.

-DB